my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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