The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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