So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
