She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
FUCK WHALES
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
