oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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