Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
