dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
