This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
