I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
