Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
