My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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