I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
