i just google imaged poop.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
