I puked a lego.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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