I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
