Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
