he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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