If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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