Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
