I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
