There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
