I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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