the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize