girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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