they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
how drunk are you?
Several
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
