Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
