I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
