he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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