I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
