just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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