You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize