That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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