You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
