Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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