Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
