im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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