Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
