And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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