Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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