I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i have two assholes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
