i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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