Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
