my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
