You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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