READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
