i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
