I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize