nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
