Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
