Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
