Apparently you make a good broom.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
