What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize