I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
