im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
