when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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