Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I want 2 things right now, you or a cig

(810): View more from Michigan

cig

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(845): View more from New York

forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.

Fav 6 1722 747
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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.

Fav 69 12519 1296
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(905): View more from Ontario

I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.

Fav 7 2670 998
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(847): View more from Illinois

Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight

Fav 2 2214 865
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(402): View more from Nebraska

In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.

Fav 6 1047 1433
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(404): View more from Georgia

Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??

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(678): View more from Georgia

New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart

Fav 1 404 452
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(804): View more from Virginia

My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.

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