hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
