How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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