I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
