actually, I'm a sock model
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
