I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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