Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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