omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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