fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
