I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
