yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
