Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So much rum. So many feels.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
