Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
