btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
