can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize