Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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