why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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