all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
