Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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