I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
