I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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